The Top 16 Signs Christmas Has Become Too Commercial


16> You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying, 
    "Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys 
    never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"

15> Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."

14> Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the 
    honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.

13> The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus"

12> Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this 
    year's Indy 500.

11> Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a 
    Chia Pet.

10> WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting The Three 
    Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the 
    Dangerous Manger Boy!

 9> Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly
    heavier Cecil Fielder.

 8> Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.

 7> Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing
    amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.

 6> Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding, 
    "On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy.  Now Bashful, 
    now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."

 5> $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas

 4> Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy 
    hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.

 3> The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes(TM)

 2> Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" -- 
    an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and
    laughter not exceeding two syllables."


    and the Number 1 Sign Christmas Has Become Too Commercial...


 1> Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.